Good Job - Bad Dreams

I have a job!! Wooohoooo.

OK so it's an office job - boo, but it pays well - yay! Its in North Sydney - boo, but it pays well - yay!

Yep started my new job today as a PA in North Sydney - the area itself is ok and it's pretty i guess but you cant beat that buzz that the CBD has. Anyway it will pay the bills and keep me going till i can find something else. The role itself is pretty easy - and the people seem ok. In terms of hot men there are a fair few that i noticed walking the street today but after falling asleep on Coogee Beach yesterday and getting a sun burnt face i was keeping a low profile!

The apartment hunting is not going too well. I have viewed lots of places but none of them feel right. On my budget i cannot afford to 'feel' good and i am going to have to make a decision soon as getting up at 6:30am for work when Thea the nutty Norwegian falls through the door at 4am and wants to chat is not good.

I love Sydney, i love the weather, the sites, the food and the lifestyle so why do i still feel like there is something missing. I had a dream last night. A bad dream. I dreamt i was at home in the UK and was at the local gym (pah as if!) and SB came in and had gotten really big and muscly. On first impression i didn't think he looked very nice but then he came over and spoke to me and tried to kiss me on the treadmill!! I woke when my alarm went off and felt stupidly good. After my trip out on Australia Day and various trips to the beaches and seeing how many great looking nice guys there are i thought i was making good progress but this stupid dream seems to have knocked me back 10 steps.

With everything going so great on the other side of the world - why can't i leave my past at home?

Sy

Always wear sunscreen!

Now i have only been in Sydney four days which certainly doesn't quite make me an expert however here are some things i have already noticed:

1. The sun does NOT always shine
2. However when the sun does come out it is VERY hot.
3. When the sun is hot do not forget to apply sunscreen to your feet or you will end up with flip flop marks all over them and they can become quite sore and puffy!
4. The Aussies call flip flops thongs.
5. There are a lot of Asian people - literally millions
6. Australians do actually say 'G'day Mate'!
7. The harbour is even more spectacular in real life - it's one of those moments that takes your breath away and you find yourself thinking of the ones you love and miss. Yep it was the first time i had really thought about SB since i got here.
8. If you ever wonder where all the beautiful men are - they are in the Sydney on a Monday lunchtime dressed in suits walking around the streets like gods!
9. The seafood here is soooo good. I seriously had the best prawns i have ever tasted.
10. Kings Cross is a shit hole.
11. Sydney's Hyde Park has something quite special about it. It makes London's feel like vegetable patch.
12. The sky seems higher?!
13. It is not over run by man eating snakes and spiders - to date i have only seen funny looking birds in the park.
14. They charge you a 15% surcharge in restaurants on a Sunday?!! What?! I didn't force them to bloody open!
15. It's probably the most amazing city i have ever been to.

I am really starting to find my feet, but can't wait to get out of this hostel. The Canadian guy is still here but is starting to get on my nerves. The Scandinavian girls have been replaced by 4 English Girls who seem like they may be looking for a good time. I am viewing a place tomorrow in Rushcutters Bay and have two Job interviews this week.......hopefully one of them will enable me to mix with the god like creatures in suits?!!

Sy

Am i a traveller?!

Well it's been nearly 38 hours in Sydney and i swear it has not stopped raining. I am on strike! I refuse to go to see the Harbour Bridge and Oprah house until the sun comes out. I cannot take pictures of me and the beautiful landmarks whilst i look like a drowned rat!

Last night was interesting. Still a little jet lagged i went to a travellers bar with the Swedish girls, Norwegian girls and the Canadian Guy.......my god! It was a cattle market. Word of advice for future female travellers, stay clear of Germans!! I was proposed to by a Brazilian and offered a place to stay by some Irish Guys - bearing in mind i looked like shit, did not dress up and good barley keep my eyes open!! I'm not sure i am going to go again. It's not that it wasn't fun and i don't like fellow travellers but that is not why i came here. I want to get the know the 'real' Sydney. I'm not really a traveller am i?!

I thought not. However here i am sat in a Internet cafe with some washing powder, milk and breakfast cereal from the 7-11 in China Town and a key card around my neck!! God if my friends could see me now!!

Sy

Sydney, Sydney, Sydney

Well i have arrived in the land down under. After some very teary goodbyes, a surprise party thrown by my bloody amazing friends and family, 13 hours to Kuala Lumpa sat next to a 50 year old man that laughed loudly to the Simpsons for most of the journey, 5 hours at KL airport with nothing to do but get sprayed by perfume from little Malaysian men and then another 8 hours to Sydney sat next to possibly the most annoying English guy in the world, i made it! It finally hit me what i was doing on the plane from London to KL and i felt a little sick. I got butterflies and for about 4 hours thought i shouldn't be doing it, that soon passed when i saw the Harbour Bridge and Oprah House on my way in to Sydney airport. The ACTUAL Oprah house.....holy fuck I'm in Sydney!!

I am sharing my room with some interesting people from Norway, Sweden and Canada which could be fun for a while but the novelty is definitely going to wear off so will start looking for a job and place to stay on Monday.

I never gave the letter to SB. He didn't deserve to know how much i cared about him.

Currently jet lagged but going to get pissed with the Swedish girls in a bit to get me going. It's raining outside but i was assured by the bus driver that the weather is looking up, i have his number in case it doesn't!

Sy

I hate goodbyes

Why do i still feel like i want to say goodbye to him? SB never did text me back so he obviously isn't that bothered, yet i am sat here all packed and ready to leave tomorrow with a 'farewell' letter to him in my hands.

Do i want to say goodbye?? Forever?? Or am i really just hoping that he will chase me down to Heathrow Airport and ask me to stay and be with him forever?! Ouch that was a little too honest!

I guess in the back of my mind i know that i still love him and i am not over him yet. Organising this trip has kept my mind occupied but now with 24 hours left in the country and nothing else to organise i can't stop thinking about him. I have said my goodbyes to nearly all my friends and family which broke my heart. You never know how much these people mean to you until you know you won't see them whenever you want. SB's mum even came round last night to wish me all the best and brought me a card!! So why when i am surrounded by wonderful people who want to wish me all the luck in the world, am i still focusing my attention on the one person that doesn't care?

I can't decide whether to take the letter round or not, chances are as fellow blogger Wandering Dervish pointed out in my comment box - either way ill probably be disappointed.

I have to go and say goodbyes to me little brothers and my Dad now so probably won't post again till i am in Sydney.

Oh my god - Im going to Sydney.

Sy

Text - Update

2 days and still no text reply from SB!

I can understand if he doesn't want to come for drinks but would it hurt to reply saying 'thanks but no thanks and wish you all the best??'

Pah - men!!

Text

What did we do prior to text messages?

Like most i have used text's to say all the things i would never have the balls to say to someones face (see post how did i get here?!) They have killed the ability to really communicate our true feelings. Most of us i am sure have had that feeling the next morning when we woke and thought 'shit what did i text last night?!'

Well last night i text SB. All my friends are getting together this Saturday as it's my last weekend for leaving drinks and i felt like i wanted to invite him and try and salvage friendship at least from our relationship. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to make a gesture. But was i just trying to make a statement! PS I'M LEAVING sort of statement.

If he says he doesn't want to come I'll feel bad. If he does and turns up what will i feel and will it ruin my night. And horror of horrors what if he turns up with her and expects me to be friends with them?? Am i ready for that. Can anyone really be friends with an ex?! Do i want him to be my friend?

So this morning i woke with that feeling of 'oh god' and he had not replied, guess ill just have to wait and see.

Officially unemployed

Oscar Wilde once said....

'The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one'

Ever since i left school at 16 i wanted to work, my teachers and parents all told me i 'needed' to go to university and get a degree if i wanted to make anything of my life. It just didn't feel right. I wanted to work. I wanted to climb up the career ladder all by myself and prove the stupid career adviser wrong.

And just to detour slightly how ironic is that job, you choose a career where you tell kids what they should be doing with their future career but how would they know - they just go with idealistic views??!!

Anyway back to the point.

I had some shit jobs. Working in a chip shop and looking a plastic bottles for 8 hours a day to name just two. However i made money, found out what things i was good at and not so good at and plodded on. At 23 years old i became the youngest Radio Sales Manager in the UK. I had a successful team under me, made a good bit of cash so i could afford life's little luxuries and was pretty damn pleased with myself. I loved my job, i can't understand people who don't want to work and hate their job. Just fucking go and do something else! So on Friday when my fantastic work mates threw me a lovely party, drank lots of Pinot Grigio and bought me a hat with corks on it, i felt a bit angry! I am unemployed for the first time in 10 years! Was i going backwards or forwards by giving up everything? Ahhhhh!!
That island down under better be worth it!!
Sy

Bloody Poms!

Australia has plastic money!! Yep i went to my bank to collect my currency this morning and the bank manager (who also happens to be my friend) seemed genuinely excited when i arrived.

'Have you ever seen the money before' she asked.

'Er no' i replied.

'It's plastic, we have all been looking at it this morning'

'Plastic! Let me see' i demanded. It really was!

'It's because of all the surfers that are over there. It's waterproof, so they can go and surf and not worry about it getting wet or destroyed!'

'Nooo that can't be true! A country wouldn't design a whole currency just for it's surfers!' i assured her.

I went to work and showed all my gang there 'Apparently you can't rip them either' my little receptionist said as she tried with all her might to tear it. 'Bloody hell you can't' she concluded 'Look you try' she offered to my sales exec who was pretending to work and not be impressed at all.

After a good 10 minutes of trying to rip and crumple up a 10 dollar note - everyone appeared satisfied that it was indestructible. I could hear the young guy telling someone about leaving £10 in his jeans pocket, his mum and a washing machine - you can guess his point.

I wondered what the Aussie's would have made of the genuine delight they had caused in a little English town before 10am..............'Bloody Poms' maybe?!

New Year?!

Like most people i celebrate New Years Eve.

Why? For me they have never been much to right home about. At 14 i got drunk on a litre of cider down the park with some friends, passed out, threw up in my living room and got grounded for a month. At 16 i went a bit further afield, could not get a taxi home, lost my friends and bag and very nearly had to walk nine miles home in the freezing cold. At 18 i thought my New Years would get better because i could legally go into a pub....nope! In fact it's worse and its the same every year. There is always that one girl in the toilet crying her eyes out because some boy has dumped her. The loud, drunk slightly mad older guy at the bar alone annoying everyone. The friend you used to go to school with but now have nothing to say to them. The young 18 year old lad that has drunk too much shandy and cannot stand up straight and bumps into you and there is always a fight. Oh yes New Years Eve would not be complete without the punch up of two very drunk people who have looked at each other 'funny!' My cynicism of New Years was almost bearable however as i had SB by my side for the last 5 years. The first time he told me he loved me was on New Years Eve.

I very nearly didnt go out but one of my good friends and her boyfriend took me under their wing and we went out for a few drinks. I didn't see him. I thought i would and kind of wanted to but i didn't. I guess he was with her. God i hope he didn't tell her he loved her. As 12 o clock approached we all gathered around the church tower in the centre of town as we did every year, 10-9-8-7-6........... Happy New Year! I looked around me watching people hug, kiss, cry and sing. I got it. These people just for that moment in time really did believe that this year would be a happy one and better was to come. I felt very lonely. Then friend, grabbed me, threw her arms around me and said 'this really is going to be the best year for you ever! Now let's get back to the bar!' and you know i believed her. Who knew where i would be or who i would be with at that moment in 12 months time?? All i knew is that i was looking forward to getting there - all alone.