Eternally Single

It's a year today that me and SB split up. I have been single for a year. Single. Something i thought i wanted when i left him after 5 years together.

Single. It's a shitty little word that is used to describe a person's current life status. Often you are asked by people of both genders 'Are you Single?' why not 'Are you successful?' or 'Are you a serial killer?!'

I had never really 'felt' single until the last few weeks, when it seems like my life has become focused on nothing more than finding the perfect man. I look for him everywhere, public transport, Martin Place, Food courts, shopping centres and of course bars. A weekend or night out is now planned around where all the hotties may be. Don't get me wrong it was fun for a while, but today it doesn't feel fun anymore. I feel terribly single. I am in a much better place then i was 6 months ago and genuinely feel like i have moved on, but i miss being with someone who knows everything about you, who loves you, who holds you, someone you can go home to. Everyone around me seems to have found their partner and i am tired of hearing the sentence 'you'll find someone.'

Maybe i wont, maybe i let go of my one shot of not ending up alone. Maybe he is not out there. Maybe i am destined to be eternally single?

Sy

Writers Block

This is the 4th time that i have sat at this computer with a view of writing a new post.....................

Nothing!

I cannot think of anything worth writing about. I mean i could tell you that i decided to go brunette having always been a blonde but have noticed a distinct decline in the number of chat up lines coming my way so have booked to go back to blonde next week. Guess we do have more fun.

I could bore you with the details of my last weekend which involved going to the Ivy on Saturday night which is supposed to be 'the' place to go in the city but being completed bored so ended up in Hugo's lounge in Kings Cross dancing to 80's cheese and finishing up at 4am pissed as a fart. Brilliant.

I could also spill all the details on my flatmates K's recent cliche encounter with her MARRIED personal trainer!

I could tell you that the dick head i met in the bar with the 'girlfriend' seems to be everywhere i turn as if a constant reminder that i cant have him, and that i have developed a strange flirting regime with the guy that makes my skinny latte every morning despite not fancying him at all.

But none of it really seems to matter, i feel very uninspired, i feel bored.

Can i really be tired of Sydney and my new life already?

All the hot ones are taken

Single life is soooo complicated. Still confused but at least now aware, after my gay encounter last week, i decided to brave the bars and go out for a few last night after work. After all it was Anzac Day the next day and i didn't want to be 'unaustralian'.

After a few drinks in the office and a little practice game of '2 Up' with the big boss and other employers we went down to Chambers Bar. Armed with a new found confidence, i enjoyed myself and was chatting to different people when i caught a really REALLY hot guy looking over from the corner of my eye. I looked over in that way us girls do, when we look over but pretend we are not looking at him and are in fact scanning the room for someone far more interesting!

I had seen this guy before in Veranda and thought then he was lovely, but didn't do anything about it. After another two Corona's i felt even more confident, and felt a few times that he was watching me. I went to the bathroom and put on some lipstick and tidy up my hair ready for the kill! As i strutted (yes strutted) back to my spot to join my friend i looked over to him and he smiled. I smiled back. Whoopee. 'I'm going to go and talk to that hot guy' i said smugly to my friend who looked at me as if i had gone mad.

I walked over and held out my hand to him 'Hi, I'm Sy nice to meet you'

'Hi, nice to meet you' He shook my hand back but looked a little uncomfortable.

'Look' he said bending down to my ear, 'Your hot, but my girlfriend is over there and she will kill me if she sees me talking to you, but she is leaving soon if you can hang around'

?! Tosser!

'Umm you know what, that doesn't really do it for me, have a good night'

I went back to my friends and felt a bit embarrassed, i had strolled over like some kind of minx and was met by a rat. 'He has a girlfriend' i said shaking my head and shrugging my shoulders before anyone could ask any questions. I didn't tell them about my offer. Lesson 2 - if there is a hot guy in a Sydney bar and you are 100% sure he is not gay, then he has a girlfriend.

Sy

Rant - Part 2

Buses.

Its not the 'actual' buses or the drivers i have a problem with. Its not even the annoyance when someone gets on with a huge bloody backpack, or when there are so many people crammed in that you cannot get a seat, are thrown about as the bus jolts every 10 seconds and getting constantly jabbed in the ribs or the head. Oh No! My problem with the buses is that they always make you feel bad.

Whenever i get on, i find myself staring out the window watching the world go by and i start to think lots of random things that i never think about at any other time of the day. I think about SB. I think about my friends and family who i miss. I start to question my ability, my decisions, my life. Why? I don't know but whenever i get off a bus, i always feel a little sorry for myself.

Generation G (ay)

When you live in the gay capital of the world (apparently) you get pretty used to seeing, talking and meeting a few gays guys on a night out in this city. Some area's more than others i must add, however its never a problem and i personally think that every girl should have a great gay guy friend.....they are as important as sky high heels. I shouldn't generalise but gay guys always seem to have that ability to be brutally honest but make you feel great about yourself all at the same time - something a straight man will never manage.

Anyway i was in the Loft on Friday night for drinks after work and after many a Vodka and Tonic and started chatting to a few people when this really sweet, well dressed guy came over and said how much he liked my shoes! Gay. I thanked him, complimented him on his lovely English accent and we chatted. After ordering a vodkatini for him (gay), we had a dance on the dance floor. Again every shape he pulled on the little dance floor screamed gay, and i loved it. After the dance we went back to the bar when the unthinkable happened........he tried to kiss me!

I pulled back and blurted out 'ummm aren't you gay?' which probably wasn't my best line.
(laughing) 'No what makes you think that?'

I was just stunned, was he really straight or just confused. I have never been wrong before. The thing is if i had have thought this guy was straight i would have never gone to the bar and danced with him in such a unflattering way. I didn't flirt with him and was brutally honest about everything he asked me. Has Sydney really turned once obvious straight men into men that can talk to women, dance, dress and smell great?!! Have we entered the year of Generation G (ay) as apposed to Z? I sense confusing times ahead for all of us!

Sy

Rant - Part 1

I feel the need to have a rant.

Yes. The time has come as a citizen of Sydney for almost 4 months to have a good old whinge about Public Transport. It's not so much the facilities or the vehicles themselves that annoy me, its what public transport does to a person and the struggles we as human beings have to go through everyday just to get to work and back.

Let's start with the Taxi drivers. I have not gotten into a taxi yet when i did not have to direct them at some stage as to where i wanted to go. Now perhaps i am being spoilt but in England if you want to go somewhere, you call a taxi, tell them the address and they take you there. Brilliant. This is how it goes in Sydney.

'Hi can i go to 350 Crown Street, Please'

'Where'

'350 Crown Street' - you always have to tell them the address twice as they never understand you the first time.

'Which end is it' Translation he doesn't know where he is going

'Its between Goulburn and Campbell Street' Perfectly clear you would think

'Which way did you want me to go' What?! Er the right bloody way preferably!

And they have Sat-nav's in their little cabs but just piss around poking buttons as they don't actually know how to use them! Last night i wanted to get home to Coogee. Well you would think i had asked to guy to go to a place that had not yet been discovered by humans. After telling him which route would be quickest, and lots of 'right here' and 'left here' i lost the will to live and refused to pay the full fare they wanted to charge. My argument was that all he had actually done was use petrol. I had actually given him a lesson on getting to Coogee to quick way and now he wanted to charge me an excessive amount. I won.

Tomorrows rant - buses.

Sy

Stalker

Ok i have officially turned into a stalker! I googled the 'Love God' and actually found out some info on him, and get this his favourite film is my favourite film.

We were obviously destined to be together. Now i just need to find out where he lives so i can bump into him whilst looking absolutely stunning, in the 'oh what this old dress!' kind of way.

No-one said the course to true love was easy!