Bad Blogger!

I cannot believe it has taken me nearly a whole month to get around to writing another post. Shameful.
Although there has been so much happening that i have barely had time to have a piss let alone think of something honest and worthy to write on this site. But things are back on track and rather than write a 2 page post here are some of the highlights from the last month.
1. I have moved! Again! I quite fancied a move to the beach for a while so packed up my bags in Surry Hills and moved to Coogee. Ok so its no Bondi but you can get a decent meal for half the price and can swim in the sea without getting wiped out by a wave!
2. I have been partying at long last. Part of the reason i decided to move to Coogee were the housemates. My age, great fun and they want to party. It feels great to have drinking buddies again and has stopped that one little void i felt by being alone in Sydney.
3. Still working at Deutsche Bank and loving it. I am thinking about approaching the head guy about sponsorship options so i can stay. Its not so much the actual job i like, its the feeling you get walking into this wonderful building everyday and seeing lots of successful men running around making millions. Ooh i am getting hot and bothered just thinking about it.
4. Talking of men - i had my first one night stand in Oz. Not good. I went to a bar called Establishment in the city after work on Friday, got plastered and ended up going home with a guy i met whilst waiting for a taxi. He wasn't bad, but of all things he was a bloody life coach so the next morning i couldn't get rid of him as he wanted to talk about me!!
5. I have noticed that it is actually very easy to meet guys in this city. I went to the Ivy last Friday with girlfriends and decided i was going to try and make more of an effort to meet guys so literally just smiled at all the ones i found attractive. Bingo. 4 numbers and 2 dates.
6. Because of the above mentioned points and a new found confidence i have not thought about SB has much. I still have moments when i wish i was at home wrapped in his arms, or that he would fly to Sydney to come and get me but those moments are getting shorter and i am not 100% sure i believe them anymore.
7. My sister got engaged. I don't want to talk about that any further.
8. I have fallen in love with a lifeguard on Bondi Rescue and am plotting how i can accidentally bump into him. First port of call is a night out in Bondi with a few friends this Saturday night.
9. I have a date with someone i will call 'Pecs' guy this Saturday lunch time. Met him at the Ivy, ok looking but awesome body.
10. Still loving Sydney. I feel i have the balance right now with working in the city, living by the beach and a social life to tie it all together.

So all in all having a blast. I have a feeling this blog may now take a new direction. Perhaps ill rip off an old blogger friends site and start calling it Single in the city!

Sy

All gayed out!

Wow wee - what a weekend! Probably the most fun i have had since coming to Sydney.

Friday Night started with a bar crawl around Darling Harbour - starting at Pier 46 and finishing at around 2am in Bungalow 8. The bars were packed out with suits and beautiful people. However i still have not had the confidence to go and speak to any of those guys. I'm not generally a shy person but the women in Sydney have the ability to make you feel bad about yourself and i am too bloody fragile to get knocked back at the moment. That night did end on a bit of a sore note, as i managed to get my rather massive stiletto heel caught in my bracelet whilst trying to get a piece of paper off that was stuck on the bottom of my shoe and proceeded to fall on my arse! Huge bruise on my leg to prove it in the morning.

Saturday Night was the Mardis Gras! I had heard various reports on what to expect, with some people saying it was great and others saying to stay away, but by early on in the day Oxford Street was packed and i could just sense it could not be missed. A friend from home was also in town visiting relatives so decided to meet with her at the Flinders Hotel to watch the parade.

There are no words, well that's a lie here are a few that spring to mind;

Camp
Loud
Shocking
Boobs
Bums
The Pope
Beautiful bodies
Male Cheerleaders
Surf Lifesavers
The Police!
Hilarious
Colourful
Wonderful

Ooh i could go on. It was an experience, and one I'm glad i did. However some of the antics going on on the streets were a little much at times. With lesbians fighting, a man overdosing and someone pissing on my foot......! I also got told i was hot my a girl in the toilets! Definately was a night i will never forget but by 2am i was all gayed out, and had seen enough pink leather, fairy wings and arses to last me for at least another year!

Falling in love?

It was a tough week last week. I felt physically and emotionally drained. Exhausted with Sydney and exhausted with constantly feeling like i needed to make decisions.

I knew from experience that i just need to stop. Stop thinking about what i didn't have and remember why i was here. I fell in love with Sydney early on and we had fallen out. Perhaps i just needed to date the city again and take things slow!

So on our first date on Saturday i thought i may be a good idea for me to become a tourist again. I caught the ferry from Circular Quay to Balmain. It was a beautiful day and even at 9am the quay was buzzing with lots of people here to see this massive cruise ship that had docked in the harbour. I personally thought it was ugly but it seemed to be getting quite the attraction with even more Asian families taking hundreds of pictures. Balmain was pretty. I went to the market, bought a few little 'Aussie' things to send home and grabbed some lunch in a nice little cafe. I then got back on the Ferry and stopped at Darling Harbour. My only previous time at DH was a bad experience with a bouncer at Home nightclub. However it was a very different place in the light of day. And what a day. The sun did not stop shining. People were in great spirits and it was truly beautiful. I grabbed an ice cream and just sat by the water watching the world go by. Perhaps me and Sydney do have a future together?

On Sunday it was another hot, beautiful day and what else could i do except hit the beach. I got up early and jumped on the ferry to Manly. The Asians and the old were still taking pictures of the vessel in the dock - perhaps they had been there all night?! Manly is probably my favourite Beach. Nothing to do with the fact that every other guy that walks past is HOT! I spent the day swimming, sunning and watching surfers. The only slightly annoying part of the day was a loud group of English people who decided to settle next to me. They were from Essex. I knew it before they even spoke. Their accent confirmed it and started to grate on me after a few hours.

As Sunday came to an end i went home feeling revived. I started my new temp placement at Deautsch Bank on Monday and was looking forward to it. Investment Bankers ummmm the possibilities!!

All in all it was a great 1st and 2nd date and i felt myself falling in love all over again

Sy

Catch 22

After my last post it's probably and understatement to say that i didnt feel to great about things in Sydney. Then i heard i didn't get the radio job. Rather foolishly i had let alot depend on getting that job and now i didnt know what to do with myself.

Should i revert back to Plan A and spend a few more months in Sydney and then move on and head back home when my visa expires in January? The good part of that is that i get to travel, see more and meet more people. The bad part is that i have to go home, where he will be and the thought of that scares me.

Or should i try and find another position where i am able to get sponsorship. Good point meaning i don't have to go home and can try and make a real fresh start here. The bad part is not knowing whether i am strong enough to get through those shit times all alone.

It's a catch 22 and i have no idea which way to turn.

Mini Meltdown

It seem's that when i get to the stage where i feel like i have really made progress something pop's up and pushes me right back to square one.

After my first date in over 6 months went well, and i felt like i could like this person i experienced a mini meltdown in the internet cafe yesterday. All because of fucking facebook!

I was doing the rounds, writing emails home, telling everyone i was ok and then i quickly logged on to facebook to see what messages i had. I had a great one from the 'first date' guy which made me smile. I then saw on my news feed list that one of MY friends from back home was now 'friends' with HER. Yes the her that is now the girlfriend of my ex. Not only was her name right in front of me, she was on facebook and requesting my friends as her friends.

I don't know what happened but i lost it. I clicked on her name to look at her picture - i couldn't get into her profile as obviously we are not friends but i could look through all of her current ones and saw not just one of my friends but several.

I desperately wanted to see her profile - to see if she had pictures of the two of them - to see if it said she was in a 'relationship'. I seriously thought of anyway i might be able to hack into someones profile to see it. I was like a women possessed.

The sad thing is, it only took that to make me feel all the hurt feelings i thought i was starting to leave behind. I forgot about 1st date guy and how well we got on. I spent the entire night not being able to sleep and thinking about SB and her.

I woke this morning and still had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach - what is it going to take for me to really move on?

Ummmm!

Umm is all i can think of as a title as that was exactly my thought 20 minutes ago when i left the one with a funny name and that i didn't think i found attractive at the train station after our date

The thing is i had a blast! I admit i thought i would go for a few drinks, be polite and then make my excuses and leave. It wasn't a convensional date. We met at a bar opposite Milsons Point station as it was half way for both of us, and he was 30 minutes late - which would usually drive me insane but he made such a joke out of it and something about being nervous and changing his outfit 12 times that it won me over. I like a guy that can make me laugh.

After a couple of drinks and great conversation we walked across the harbour bridge and went to the rocks for dinner and more drinks. The only time we stopped talking was when my mum decided to put in her weekly 15 minute phone call from the UK to check i was still alive!

We then went to another bar by Circular Quay and after hailing me a taxi i left him at the station so he could go home. It feels quite weird, he is not at all my 'type' and i was not expecting it but i think i might actually quite like him.

Ummmmm

Angry!

Ahhh i don't know what has happened but i feel so angry today! So much so that i felt the need to come into the nearest internet cafe and take my frustration out on the keyboard and my blog.

Everyone and everything has got on my nerves - i woke this morning to the sound of a stupid bloody bird outside my window making the most hideous noise for ages - i got up and sort of made a noise at it, which seemed to do the trick as it flew away, only to reappear a few minutes later doing the exact same thing.

When i decided to actually get up i felt frustrated as i really did not know what to do with myself. The weather was ok but not nice enough to go to the beach, i didnt have anyone i could meet up with really and that pissed me off so i just decided to walk and see where i ended up.

Well i ended up in Potts Point when this horrible little man came up to me and asked if he could borrow 20 cent, i said i was sorry i didnt have any change (which was true i might add) so he called me a fucking c**t! I was so shocked that i was actually speechless. I have never been called that. I somehow walked in a big circle and ended up in Hyde Park and decided to sit and read for a bit, but even the birds there were getting on my nerves today and then these two stupid English guys were throwing a ball around which nearly hit me so i decided to leave before i shoved the ball up their arse and thought maybe retail therapy might cheer me up.

Nope! The shops were crammed full of annoying screaming kids, people bumping into me, sales assistants bugging me, and people trying to get me to sign up to some bloody charity on every street corner. Even the noise of the thing on the traffic lights that tells me i can cross without getting killed was irritating.

When i logged on to RSVP - even the 27 kisses i had received couldn't cheer me up so i deleted all of them without even checking who they were from.

So now i am sitting here writing this at 5:30pm in the evening having had a shit day and nothing to really look forward to except maybe my coffee date with the one i don't really fancy in North Sydney tomorrow! Somehow between now and then i need to let off some steam - perhaps ill go get drunk! Alone.