It was a tough week last week. I felt physically and emotionally drained. Exhausted with Sydney and exhausted with constantly feeling like i needed to make decisions.
I knew from experience that i just need to stop. Stop thinking about what i didn't have and remember why i was here. I fell in love with Sydney early on and we had fallen out. Perhaps i just needed to date the city again and take things slow!
So on our first date on Saturday i thought i may be a good idea for me to become a tourist again. I caught the ferry from Circular Quay to Balmain. It was a beautiful day and even at 9am the quay was buzzing with lots of people here to see this massive cruise ship that had docked in the harbour. I personally thought it was ugly but it seemed to be getting quite the attraction with even more Asian families taking hundreds of pictures. Balmain was pretty. I went to the market, bought a few little 'Aussie' things to send home and grabbed some lunch in a nice little cafe. I then got back on the Ferry and stopped at Darling Harbour. My only previous time at DH was a bad experience with a bouncer at Home nightclub. However it was a very different place in the light of day. And what a day. The sun did not stop shining. People were in great spirits and it was truly beautiful. I grabbed an ice cream and just sat by the water watching the world go by. Perhaps me and Sydney do have a future together?
On Sunday it was another hot, beautiful day and what else could i do except hit the beach. I got up early and jumped on the ferry to Manly. The Asians and the old were still taking pictures of the vessel in the dock - perhaps they had been there all night?! Manly is probably my favourite Beach. Nothing to do with the fact that every other guy that walks past is HOT! I spent the day swimming, sunning and watching surfers. The only slightly annoying part of the day was a loud group of English people who decided to settle next to me. They were from Essex. I knew it before they even spoke. Their accent confirmed it and started to grate on me after a few hours.
As Sunday came to an end i went home feeling revived. I started my new temp placement at Deautsch Bank on Monday and was looking forward to it. Investment Bankers ummmm the possibilities!!
All in all it was a great 1st and 2nd date and i felt myself falling in love all over again
Sy
25 February, 2008
21 February, 2008
Catch 22
After my last post it's probably and understatement to say that i didnt feel to great about things in Sydney. Then i heard i didn't get the radio job. Rather foolishly i had let alot depend on getting that job and now i didnt know what to do with myself.
Should i revert back to Plan A and spend a few more months in Sydney and then move on and head back home when my visa expires in January? The good part of that is that i get to travel, see more and meet more people. The bad part is that i have to go home, where he will be and the thought of that scares me.
Or should i try and find another position where i am able to get sponsorship. Good point meaning i don't have to go home and can try and make a real fresh start here. The bad part is not knowing whether i am strong enough to get through those shit times all alone.
It's a catch 22 and i have no idea which way to turn.
Should i revert back to Plan A and spend a few more months in Sydney and then move on and head back home when my visa expires in January? The good part of that is that i get to travel, see more and meet more people. The bad part is that i have to go home, where he will be and the thought of that scares me.
Or should i try and find another position where i am able to get sponsorship. Good point meaning i don't have to go home and can try and make a real fresh start here. The bad part is not knowing whether i am strong enough to get through those shit times all alone.
It's a catch 22 and i have no idea which way to turn.
19 February, 2008
Mini Meltdown
It seem's that when i get to the stage where i feel like i have really made progress something pop's up and pushes me right back to square one.
After my first date in over 6 months went well, and i felt like i could like this person i experienced a mini meltdown in the internet cafe yesterday. All because of fucking facebook!
I was doing the rounds, writing emails home, telling everyone i was ok and then i quickly logged on to facebook to see what messages i had. I had a great one from the 'first date' guy which made me smile. I then saw on my news feed list that one of MY friends from back home was now 'friends' with HER. Yes the her that is now the girlfriend of my ex. Not only was her name right in front of me, she was on facebook and requesting my friends as her friends.
I don't know what happened but i lost it. I clicked on her name to look at her picture - i couldn't get into her profile as obviously we are not friends but i could look through all of her current ones and saw not just one of my friends but several.
I desperately wanted to see her profile - to see if she had pictures of the two of them - to see if it said she was in a 'relationship'. I seriously thought of anyway i might be able to hack into someones profile to see it. I was like a women possessed.
The sad thing is, it only took that to make me feel all the hurt feelings i thought i was starting to leave behind. I forgot about 1st date guy and how well we got on. I spent the entire night not being able to sleep and thinking about SB and her.
I woke this morning and still had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach - what is it going to take for me to really move on?
After my first date in over 6 months went well, and i felt like i could like this person i experienced a mini meltdown in the internet cafe yesterday. All because of fucking facebook!
I was doing the rounds, writing emails home, telling everyone i was ok and then i quickly logged on to facebook to see what messages i had. I had a great one from the 'first date' guy which made me smile. I then saw on my news feed list that one of MY friends from back home was now 'friends' with HER. Yes the her that is now the girlfriend of my ex. Not only was her name right in front of me, she was on facebook and requesting my friends as her friends.
I don't know what happened but i lost it. I clicked on her name to look at her picture - i couldn't get into her profile as obviously we are not friends but i could look through all of her current ones and saw not just one of my friends but several.
I desperately wanted to see her profile - to see if she had pictures of the two of them - to see if it said she was in a 'relationship'. I seriously thought of anyway i might be able to hack into someones profile to see it. I was like a women possessed.
The sad thing is, it only took that to make me feel all the hurt feelings i thought i was starting to leave behind. I forgot about 1st date guy and how well we got on. I spent the entire night not being able to sleep and thinking about SB and her.
I woke this morning and still had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach - what is it going to take for me to really move on?
17 February, 2008
Ummmm!
Umm is all i can think of as a title as that was exactly my thought 20 minutes ago when i left the one with a funny name and that i didn't think i found attractive at the train station after our date
The thing is i had a blast! I admit i thought i would go for a few drinks, be polite and then make my excuses and leave. It wasn't a convensional date. We met at a bar opposite Milsons Point station as it was half way for both of us, and he was 30 minutes late - which would usually drive me insane but he made such a joke out of it and something about being nervous and changing his outfit 12 times that it won me over. I like a guy that can make me laugh.
After a couple of drinks and great conversation we walked across the harbour bridge and went to the rocks for dinner and more drinks. The only time we stopped talking was when my mum decided to put in her weekly 15 minute phone call from the UK to check i was still alive!
We then went to another bar by Circular Quay and after hailing me a taxi i left him at the station so he could go home. It feels quite weird, he is not at all my 'type' and i was not expecting it but i think i might actually quite like him.
Ummmmm
The thing is i had a blast! I admit i thought i would go for a few drinks, be polite and then make my excuses and leave. It wasn't a convensional date. We met at a bar opposite Milsons Point station as it was half way for both of us, and he was 30 minutes late - which would usually drive me insane but he made such a joke out of it and something about being nervous and changing his outfit 12 times that it won me over. I like a guy that can make me laugh.
After a couple of drinks and great conversation we walked across the harbour bridge and went to the rocks for dinner and more drinks. The only time we stopped talking was when my mum decided to put in her weekly 15 minute phone call from the UK to check i was still alive!
We then went to another bar by Circular Quay and after hailing me a taxi i left him at the station so he could go home. It feels quite weird, he is not at all my 'type' and i was not expecting it but i think i might actually quite like him.
Ummmmm
16 February, 2008
Angry!
Ahhh i don't know what has happened but i feel so angry today! So much so that i felt the need to come into the nearest internet cafe and take my frustration out on the keyboard and my blog.
Everyone and everything has got on my nerves - i woke this morning to the sound of a stupid bloody bird outside my window making the most hideous noise for ages - i got up and sort of made a noise at it, which seemed to do the trick as it flew away, only to reappear a few minutes later doing the exact same thing.
When i decided to actually get up i felt frustrated as i really did not know what to do with myself. The weather was ok but not nice enough to go to the beach, i didnt have anyone i could meet up with really and that pissed me off so i just decided to walk and see where i ended up.
Well i ended up in Potts Point when this horrible little man came up to me and asked if he could borrow 20 cent, i said i was sorry i didnt have any change (which was true i might add) so he called me a fucking c**t! I was so shocked that i was actually speechless. I have never been called that. I somehow walked in a big circle and ended up in Hyde Park and decided to sit and read for a bit, but even the birds there were getting on my nerves today and then these two stupid English guys were throwing a ball around which nearly hit me so i decided to leave before i shoved the ball up their arse and thought maybe retail therapy might cheer me up.
Nope! The shops were crammed full of annoying screaming kids, people bumping into me, sales assistants bugging me, and people trying to get me to sign up to some bloody charity on every street corner. Even the noise of the thing on the traffic lights that tells me i can cross without getting killed was irritating.
When i logged on to RSVP - even the 27 kisses i had received couldn't cheer me up so i deleted all of them without even checking who they were from.
So now i am sitting here writing this at 5:30pm in the evening having had a shit day and nothing to really look forward to except maybe my coffee date with the one i don't really fancy in North Sydney tomorrow! Somehow between now and then i need to let off some steam - perhaps ill go get drunk! Alone.
Everyone and everything has got on my nerves - i woke this morning to the sound of a stupid bloody bird outside my window making the most hideous noise for ages - i got up and sort of made a noise at it, which seemed to do the trick as it flew away, only to reappear a few minutes later doing the exact same thing.
When i decided to actually get up i felt frustrated as i really did not know what to do with myself. The weather was ok but not nice enough to go to the beach, i didnt have anyone i could meet up with really and that pissed me off so i just decided to walk and see where i ended up.
Well i ended up in Potts Point when this horrible little man came up to me and asked if he could borrow 20 cent, i said i was sorry i didnt have any change (which was true i might add) so he called me a fucking c**t! I was so shocked that i was actually speechless. I have never been called that. I somehow walked in a big circle and ended up in Hyde Park and decided to sit and read for a bit, but even the birds there were getting on my nerves today and then these two stupid English guys were throwing a ball around which nearly hit me so i decided to leave before i shoved the ball up their arse and thought maybe retail therapy might cheer me up.
Nope! The shops were crammed full of annoying screaming kids, people bumping into me, sales assistants bugging me, and people trying to get me to sign up to some bloody charity on every street corner. Even the noise of the thing on the traffic lights that tells me i can cross without getting killed was irritating.
When i logged on to RSVP - even the 27 kisses i had received couldn't cheer me up so i deleted all of them without even checking who they were from.
So now i am sitting here writing this at 5:30pm in the evening having had a shit day and nothing to really look forward to except maybe my coffee date with the one i don't really fancy in North Sydney tomorrow! Somehow between now and then i need to let off some steam - perhaps ill go get drunk! Alone.
15 February, 2008
Phew
Do you ever lay in bed at night and think to yourself thank god that day is all over with?!
I did that last night and not because it was Valentines Day. In fact i was so busy most of the the day that it wasnt until the little chinese guy in Gloria Jeans wished me Happy Valentines day with my Hazlenut Latte that i even remembered.
I had my 2nd round of my job interview at 8am in the morning in which i had to answer 40 questions in an hour! I then had to rush to North Sydney and start my other job at 9:30am. By 1pm i had dropped a tray of bloody coffee all down myself - ruining my new shirt and burning myself. I then had to attend my 3rd round of the interview at 4pm in which i had to do a radio presentation to 3 managers (having had to rush into Portmans and buy myself a new outfit first!)
In between all this happening the guy with the stupid name text and asked if i wanted to go for lunch Sunday - i agreed. I may not fancy him but i could do with friends right now. I then checked RSVP which is actually quite good fun when you get past all the 40 year old men trying to talk to you! And i really hot guy from West Sydney had emailed me back. Apprently he is a sucker for an English accent to.....i'm starting to enjoy being English. We may meet up Saturday night??
So after an exhausting day i lay in bed with a bottle of Australia's finest wine and gave a sigh of relief that i was here, and not at home faced by my past Valentines.
I did that last night and not because it was Valentines Day. In fact i was so busy most of the the day that it wasnt until the little chinese guy in Gloria Jeans wished me Happy Valentines day with my Hazlenut Latte that i even remembered.
I had my 2nd round of my job interview at 8am in the morning in which i had to answer 40 questions in an hour! I then had to rush to North Sydney and start my other job at 9:30am. By 1pm i had dropped a tray of bloody coffee all down myself - ruining my new shirt and burning myself. I then had to attend my 3rd round of the interview at 4pm in which i had to do a radio presentation to 3 managers (having had to rush into Portmans and buy myself a new outfit first!)
In between all this happening the guy with the stupid name text and asked if i wanted to go for lunch Sunday - i agreed. I may not fancy him but i could do with friends right now. I then checked RSVP which is actually quite good fun when you get past all the 40 year old men trying to talk to you! And i really hot guy from West Sydney had emailed me back. Apprently he is a sucker for an English accent to.....i'm starting to enjoy being English. We may meet up Saturday night??
So after an exhausting day i lay in bed with a bottle of Australia's finest wine and gave a sigh of relief that i was here, and not at home faced by my past Valentines.
13 February, 2008
Park Life
It's weird how things happen and the course a day can take.
I got a phone call from my temporary prat of a boss yesterday morning saying i didnt need to come into work as he was jetting off to New Zealand on some urgent business. He could have told me that before i had got up early, got washed and changed and was about to walk out the door but nethertheless the sun was shining outside at last so i thought i would make the most of it and i could prepare for my 2nd round interview at the radio station.
So i packed up my note book, grabbed a coffee, some ciggies and a newspaper and went to Hyde Park. An article in the paper caught my attention. It was about how singles this Valentines Day are going to big speed dating events across the country instead of sitting home drinking wine and watching Bridget Jones. Thats actually not what it said but along the same lines. It had all been arranged by Australia's number one dating site RSVP! I had never used the internet to date before, and had always been a bit skepticle - i mean has it really come to this? But i have met a few people who met there partners on the internet so perhaps i should give it ago.....i mean it's not as though my mobile has been ringing off the hook with offers.
Literally as i put the paper down and lit up a cigarette (which i was planning on giving up this week!) this georgeous guy comes over and asks for a light! As i always do when i fancy someone my mind goes blank and i turn all stupid and girly. Unbelievably he still asks if he can join me and we start talking.
He is cute, he is funny, he has a great body, he is from Melbourne!! WTF?! He is here visiting relatives. Damn it.
4 hours later i have registered my details on the RSVP website and have decided to not quit smoking just yet!
I got a phone call from my temporary prat of a boss yesterday morning saying i didnt need to come into work as he was jetting off to New Zealand on some urgent business. He could have told me that before i had got up early, got washed and changed and was about to walk out the door but nethertheless the sun was shining outside at last so i thought i would make the most of it and i could prepare for my 2nd round interview at the radio station.
So i packed up my note book, grabbed a coffee, some ciggies and a newspaper and went to Hyde Park. An article in the paper caught my attention. It was about how singles this Valentines Day are going to big speed dating events across the country instead of sitting home drinking wine and watching Bridget Jones. Thats actually not what it said but along the same lines. It had all been arranged by Australia's number one dating site RSVP! I had never used the internet to date before, and had always been a bit skepticle - i mean has it really come to this? But i have met a few people who met there partners on the internet so perhaps i should give it ago.....i mean it's not as though my mobile has been ringing off the hook with offers.
Literally as i put the paper down and lit up a cigarette (which i was planning on giving up this week!) this georgeous guy comes over and asks for a light! As i always do when i fancy someone my mind goes blank and i turn all stupid and girly. Unbelievably he still asks if he can join me and we start talking.
He is cute, he is funny, he has a great body, he is from Melbourne!! WTF?! He is here visiting relatives. Damn it.
4 hours later i have registered my details on the RSVP website and have decided to not quit smoking just yet!
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