4 weeks and counting!

I had my first Aussie experience today! I had to call the country to sort out my bank account and got through to an 'actual' Australian and he sounded so cute and was so helpful!!

Now i know that when living in England you kind of get used to bad customer service so when we receive even 'ok' service it feels bloody amazing AND i appreciate that all Australian men that work in banks are not going to be cute........however whilst i sit here typing, looking out the window at a view of the dead people (not actual dead people, my office overlooks a graveyard!), watching the ice start to set on the car windscreen because it's fucking cold AGAIN and imagining what the cute Westpac Bank guy, who pronounced my name so sexily would look like, i feel really excited for the first time!!

My thoughts however are interrupted by my soon to be ex colleague Kelly who pipes up and asks in a serious voice "I wonder if you will meet a Kangaroo when you go to Oz!"

What?! Yeah Kelly that was my first thought when i booked my plane ticket to Sydney!! I can't even be bothered to reply so i get back to my thoughts of Mr Westpac.......4 weeks and counting!

Sy

Stupid!

Never stop thinking about him for one second.......because that's when you see him!

By him of course i mean the ex. In future he will be known as 'SB', when i am in a good forgiving mood or 'the stupid shit face that broke my heart' when i am having a bad day!

Saw the 'stupid shit face' and his stupid new girlfriend in the street. She looked like shit. He looked great. I didn't feel too bad about myself. I very nearly ducked into a shop to avoid them but he saw me just that second too early so i smiled nicely and carried on walking.

God i hope that he didn't see my eye's fill up with tears that second to early too!

Sy

Brave - To dare and defy

What does it mean to be brave?

Since people have heard about my travels or i have told someone what i am doing, the response is more often than not the same........'your so brave?'

I had never thought of myself as brave - brave is someone that does something that is too scary for most people. Right?! So why would people think i am brave when thousands of travellers flock to Australia every day for similar adventures?

Having been told again on Friday night again in the pub by my sisters ex boyfriend that he thought i was brave, i decided to look it up in a dictionary:

Brave - adjective
willing to face danger, pain, or trouble; not afraid

What?! Im not willing to do any of those things - I'm making a huge mistake - I looked at the next entry:

Brave - transitive verb
to face with courage; to defy; dare

OH! I wasn't brave like Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King or Braveheart. I was the 'transition verb' of brave. Im not going to change the world my bravery is much more subtle. What i am doing is defying the obvious route of wallowing in self pity and daring to try something new.

How did i get here?!

You may be thinking how in gods name did i get myself in this situation - well here is the short(ish) story!

Basically i cocked up - after having an amazing relationship i finished with my boyfriend of 5 years as i thought 'SHOCK HORROR' that the grass was greener. In a rather cruel blow by the time i realised i had made a huge mistake and wanted him back 4 months later he had got himself another girlfriend. Not just an ordinary girlfriend - a 19 year old, cute little girlfriend! This was the man that said he would always love me, i was his soulmate and he thought we would be together again someday - lying bastard!

Being heartbroken is bad enough, but being heartbroken with no-one to blame but yourself is soul destroying. In one last ditch attempt i told him how i felt (via text of course!) but back came the dreaded words 'i don't love you anymore, i have moved on and im very happy now!' He wasn't just happy he was very happy. How could he haved moved on that quickly - did the last 5 years mean nothing?!!I remember the day i told my mum how i felt 'well it just goes to show that the grass is not always greener on the other side!' Ouch.

I had to get away, i wasn't ready to face it was over and deal with the mistake i had made - i live in a very small town and the chances of me bumping into them in Tesco's supermarket when i look like shit were huge! The first time i saw them together i threw up - physically threw up! Everytime i drive past his house my heart sinks and the crying...!! The random crying where you don't know what triggered it but you cant stop. This is not me.....i cant spend the next year doing this, it's pathetic.

I had always wanted to travel and after a chat with my best friend who made me realise i need to take a positive from all of this and get away so before i really thought it through i had applied for an Australian working visa, quit my great job and booked a one way flight to Sydney. The weather is good, the men are georgeous and i cant get further away from the 'happy couple'......what could go wrong?!

So i am doing this blog as a reminder of how i felt, to document all the things that happen and so my friends and family are able to see how im doing.

Let's see if the grass is greener on the other side of the world!!

Sy