Eternally Single

It's a year today that me and SB split up. I have been single for a year. Single. Something i thought i wanted when i left him after 5 years together.

Single. It's a shitty little word that is used to describe a person's current life status. Often you are asked by people of both genders 'Are you Single?' why not 'Are you successful?' or 'Are you a serial killer?!'

I had never really 'felt' single until the last few weeks, when it seems like my life has become focused on nothing more than finding the perfect man. I look for him everywhere, public transport, Martin Place, Food courts, shopping centres and of course bars. A weekend or night out is now planned around where all the hotties may be. Don't get me wrong it was fun for a while, but today it doesn't feel fun anymore. I feel terribly single. I am in a much better place then i was 6 months ago and genuinely feel like i have moved on, but i miss being with someone who knows everything about you, who loves you, who holds you, someone you can go home to. Everyone around me seems to have found their partner and i am tired of hearing the sentence 'you'll find someone.'

Maybe i wont, maybe i let go of my one shot of not ending up alone. Maybe he is not out there. Maybe i am destined to be eternally single?

Sy

Writers Block

This is the 4th time that i have sat at this computer with a view of writing a new post.....................

Nothing!

I cannot think of anything worth writing about. I mean i could tell you that i decided to go brunette having always been a blonde but have noticed a distinct decline in the number of chat up lines coming my way so have booked to go back to blonde next week. Guess we do have more fun.

I could bore you with the details of my last weekend which involved going to the Ivy on Saturday night which is supposed to be 'the' place to go in the city but being completed bored so ended up in Hugo's lounge in Kings Cross dancing to 80's cheese and finishing up at 4am pissed as a fart. Brilliant.

I could also spill all the details on my flatmates K's recent cliche encounter with her MARRIED personal trainer!

I could tell you that the dick head i met in the bar with the 'girlfriend' seems to be everywhere i turn as if a constant reminder that i cant have him, and that i have developed a strange flirting regime with the guy that makes my skinny latte every morning despite not fancying him at all.

But none of it really seems to matter, i feel very uninspired, i feel bored.

Can i really be tired of Sydney and my new life already?

All the hot ones are taken

Single life is soooo complicated. Still confused but at least now aware, after my gay encounter last week, i decided to brave the bars and go out for a few last night after work. After all it was Anzac Day the next day and i didn't want to be 'unaustralian'.

After a few drinks in the office and a little practice game of '2 Up' with the big boss and other employers we went down to Chambers Bar. Armed with a new found confidence, i enjoyed myself and was chatting to different people when i caught a really REALLY hot guy looking over from the corner of my eye. I looked over in that way us girls do, when we look over but pretend we are not looking at him and are in fact scanning the room for someone far more interesting!

I had seen this guy before in Veranda and thought then he was lovely, but didn't do anything about it. After another two Corona's i felt even more confident, and felt a few times that he was watching me. I went to the bathroom and put on some lipstick and tidy up my hair ready for the kill! As i strutted (yes strutted) back to my spot to join my friend i looked over to him and he smiled. I smiled back. Whoopee. 'I'm going to go and talk to that hot guy' i said smugly to my friend who looked at me as if i had gone mad.

I walked over and held out my hand to him 'Hi, I'm Sy nice to meet you'

'Hi, nice to meet you' He shook my hand back but looked a little uncomfortable.

'Look' he said bending down to my ear, 'Your hot, but my girlfriend is over there and she will kill me if she sees me talking to you, but she is leaving soon if you can hang around'

?! Tosser!

'Umm you know what, that doesn't really do it for me, have a good night'

I went back to my friends and felt a bit embarrassed, i had strolled over like some kind of minx and was met by a rat. 'He has a girlfriend' i said shaking my head and shrugging my shoulders before anyone could ask any questions. I didn't tell them about my offer. Lesson 2 - if there is a hot guy in a Sydney bar and you are 100% sure he is not gay, then he has a girlfriend.

Sy

Rant - Part 2

Buses.

Its not the 'actual' buses or the drivers i have a problem with. Its not even the annoyance when someone gets on with a huge bloody backpack, or when there are so many people crammed in that you cannot get a seat, are thrown about as the bus jolts every 10 seconds and getting constantly jabbed in the ribs or the head. Oh No! My problem with the buses is that they always make you feel bad.

Whenever i get on, i find myself staring out the window watching the world go by and i start to think lots of random things that i never think about at any other time of the day. I think about SB. I think about my friends and family who i miss. I start to question my ability, my decisions, my life. Why? I don't know but whenever i get off a bus, i always feel a little sorry for myself.

Generation G (ay)

When you live in the gay capital of the world (apparently) you get pretty used to seeing, talking and meeting a few gays guys on a night out in this city. Some area's more than others i must add, however its never a problem and i personally think that every girl should have a great gay guy friend.....they are as important as sky high heels. I shouldn't generalise but gay guys always seem to have that ability to be brutally honest but make you feel great about yourself all at the same time - something a straight man will never manage.

Anyway i was in the Loft on Friday night for drinks after work and after many a Vodka and Tonic and started chatting to a few people when this really sweet, well dressed guy came over and said how much he liked my shoes! Gay. I thanked him, complimented him on his lovely English accent and we chatted. After ordering a vodkatini for him (gay), we had a dance on the dance floor. Again every shape he pulled on the little dance floor screamed gay, and i loved it. After the dance we went back to the bar when the unthinkable happened........he tried to kiss me!

I pulled back and blurted out 'ummm aren't you gay?' which probably wasn't my best line.
(laughing) 'No what makes you think that?'

I was just stunned, was he really straight or just confused. I have never been wrong before. The thing is if i had have thought this guy was straight i would have never gone to the bar and danced with him in such a unflattering way. I didn't flirt with him and was brutally honest about everything he asked me. Has Sydney really turned once obvious straight men into men that can talk to women, dance, dress and smell great?!! Have we entered the year of Generation G (ay) as apposed to Z? I sense confusing times ahead for all of us!

Sy

Rant - Part 1

I feel the need to have a rant.

Yes. The time has come as a citizen of Sydney for almost 4 months to have a good old whinge about Public Transport. It's not so much the facilities or the vehicles themselves that annoy me, its what public transport does to a person and the struggles we as human beings have to go through everyday just to get to work and back.

Let's start with the Taxi drivers. I have not gotten into a taxi yet when i did not have to direct them at some stage as to where i wanted to go. Now perhaps i am being spoilt but in England if you want to go somewhere, you call a taxi, tell them the address and they take you there. Brilliant. This is how it goes in Sydney.

'Hi can i go to 350 Crown Street, Please'

'Where'

'350 Crown Street' - you always have to tell them the address twice as they never understand you the first time.

'Which end is it' Translation he doesn't know where he is going

'Its between Goulburn and Campbell Street' Perfectly clear you would think

'Which way did you want me to go' What?! Er the right bloody way preferably!

And they have Sat-nav's in their little cabs but just piss around poking buttons as they don't actually know how to use them! Last night i wanted to get home to Coogee. Well you would think i had asked to guy to go to a place that had not yet been discovered by humans. After telling him which route would be quickest, and lots of 'right here' and 'left here' i lost the will to live and refused to pay the full fare they wanted to charge. My argument was that all he had actually done was use petrol. I had actually given him a lesson on getting to Coogee to quick way and now he wanted to charge me an excessive amount. I won.

Tomorrows rant - buses.

Sy

Stalker

Ok i have officially turned into a stalker! I googled the 'Love God' and actually found out some info on him, and get this his favourite film is my favourite film.

We were obviously destined to be together. Now i just need to find out where he lives so i can bump into him whilst looking absolutely stunning, in the 'oh what this old dress!' kind of way.

No-one said the course to true love was easy!

Is Sydney one big Meat Market?!

It was a question i asked my housemate on Sunday morning whilst laying on the couch after another big night out on the town the previous evening.

When enquiring about different bars and clubs around Sydney, i had noticed that the phrase 'Meat Market' kept popping up.......surely every bar cannot be one! However after another night in which me and my housemate could have quite easily have picked up a few guys i did start to wonder.

Being honest, i don't think i am ugly but i am certainly not the most beautiful girl in any of these bars and yet it was all very easy. It started with a guy cornering me outside a bar in Bondi whilst i was having a crafty ciggy and asking if he could kiss me?! In this instance i agreed - purely because he was hot! The night went on with more chatting, more chat up lines and more kiss requests and finished with another Aussie guy inviting me back to his. In this instance i declined - purely because i am not a whore!

Back home i never got this amount of attention. My housemate is from London and agreed. English guys are not as forthcoming and wont just rock up in a bar, seek out a girl they like and go and talk to them. Aussie guys have no problem doing this.......which is great and bloody excellent for us ladies. However when you take all the charm and flirting away where is what we really crave.....our soul mate?

Talking of soul mates i didn't bump into my Bondi Rescue love god......next stop Google!

Bad Blogger!

I cannot believe it has taken me nearly a whole month to get around to writing another post. Shameful.
Although there has been so much happening that i have barely had time to have a piss let alone think of something honest and worthy to write on this site. But things are back on track and rather than write a 2 page post here are some of the highlights from the last month.
1. I have moved! Again! I quite fancied a move to the beach for a while so packed up my bags in Surry Hills and moved to Coogee. Ok so its no Bondi but you can get a decent meal for half the price and can swim in the sea without getting wiped out by a wave!
2. I have been partying at long last. Part of the reason i decided to move to Coogee were the housemates. My age, great fun and they want to party. It feels great to have drinking buddies again and has stopped that one little void i felt by being alone in Sydney.
3. Still working at Deutsche Bank and loving it. I am thinking about approaching the head guy about sponsorship options so i can stay. Its not so much the actual job i like, its the feeling you get walking into this wonderful building everyday and seeing lots of successful men running around making millions. Ooh i am getting hot and bothered just thinking about it.
4. Talking of men - i had my first one night stand in Oz. Not good. I went to a bar called Establishment in the city after work on Friday, got plastered and ended up going home with a guy i met whilst waiting for a taxi. He wasn't bad, but of all things he was a bloody life coach so the next morning i couldn't get rid of him as he wanted to talk about me!!
5. I have noticed that it is actually very easy to meet guys in this city. I went to the Ivy last Friday with girlfriends and decided i was going to try and make more of an effort to meet guys so literally just smiled at all the ones i found attractive. Bingo. 4 numbers and 2 dates.
6. Because of the above mentioned points and a new found confidence i have not thought about SB has much. I still have moments when i wish i was at home wrapped in his arms, or that he would fly to Sydney to come and get me but those moments are getting shorter and i am not 100% sure i believe them anymore.
7. My sister got engaged. I don't want to talk about that any further.
8. I have fallen in love with a lifeguard on Bondi Rescue and am plotting how i can accidentally bump into him. First port of call is a night out in Bondi with a few friends this Saturday night.
9. I have a date with someone i will call 'Pecs' guy this Saturday lunch time. Met him at the Ivy, ok looking but awesome body.
10. Still loving Sydney. I feel i have the balance right now with working in the city, living by the beach and a social life to tie it all together.

So all in all having a blast. I have a feeling this blog may now take a new direction. Perhaps ill rip off an old blogger friends site and start calling it Single in the city!

Sy

All gayed out!

Wow wee - what a weekend! Probably the most fun i have had since coming to Sydney.

Friday Night started with a bar crawl around Darling Harbour - starting at Pier 46 and finishing at around 2am in Bungalow 8. The bars were packed out with suits and beautiful people. However i still have not had the confidence to go and speak to any of those guys. I'm not generally a shy person but the women in Sydney have the ability to make you feel bad about yourself and i am too bloody fragile to get knocked back at the moment. That night did end on a bit of a sore note, as i managed to get my rather massive stiletto heel caught in my bracelet whilst trying to get a piece of paper off that was stuck on the bottom of my shoe and proceeded to fall on my arse! Huge bruise on my leg to prove it in the morning.

Saturday Night was the Mardis Gras! I had heard various reports on what to expect, with some people saying it was great and others saying to stay away, but by early on in the day Oxford Street was packed and i could just sense it could not be missed. A friend from home was also in town visiting relatives so decided to meet with her at the Flinders Hotel to watch the parade.

There are no words, well that's a lie here are a few that spring to mind;

Camp
Loud
Shocking
Boobs
Bums
The Pope
Beautiful bodies
Male Cheerleaders
Surf Lifesavers
The Police!
Hilarious
Colourful
Wonderful

Ooh i could go on. It was an experience, and one I'm glad i did. However some of the antics going on on the streets were a little much at times. With lesbians fighting, a man overdosing and someone pissing on my foot......! I also got told i was hot my a girl in the toilets! Definately was a night i will never forget but by 2am i was all gayed out, and had seen enough pink leather, fairy wings and arses to last me for at least another year!

Falling in love?

It was a tough week last week. I felt physically and emotionally drained. Exhausted with Sydney and exhausted with constantly feeling like i needed to make decisions.

I knew from experience that i just need to stop. Stop thinking about what i didn't have and remember why i was here. I fell in love with Sydney early on and we had fallen out. Perhaps i just needed to date the city again and take things slow!

So on our first date on Saturday i thought i may be a good idea for me to become a tourist again. I caught the ferry from Circular Quay to Balmain. It was a beautiful day and even at 9am the quay was buzzing with lots of people here to see this massive cruise ship that had docked in the harbour. I personally thought it was ugly but it seemed to be getting quite the attraction with even more Asian families taking hundreds of pictures. Balmain was pretty. I went to the market, bought a few little 'Aussie' things to send home and grabbed some lunch in a nice little cafe. I then got back on the Ferry and stopped at Darling Harbour. My only previous time at DH was a bad experience with a bouncer at Home nightclub. However it was a very different place in the light of day. And what a day. The sun did not stop shining. People were in great spirits and it was truly beautiful. I grabbed an ice cream and just sat by the water watching the world go by. Perhaps me and Sydney do have a future together?

On Sunday it was another hot, beautiful day and what else could i do except hit the beach. I got up early and jumped on the ferry to Manly. The Asians and the old were still taking pictures of the vessel in the dock - perhaps they had been there all night?! Manly is probably my favourite Beach. Nothing to do with the fact that every other guy that walks past is HOT! I spent the day swimming, sunning and watching surfers. The only slightly annoying part of the day was a loud group of English people who decided to settle next to me. They were from Essex. I knew it before they even spoke. Their accent confirmed it and started to grate on me after a few hours.

As Sunday came to an end i went home feeling revived. I started my new temp placement at Deautsch Bank on Monday and was looking forward to it. Investment Bankers ummmm the possibilities!!

All in all it was a great 1st and 2nd date and i felt myself falling in love all over again

Sy

Catch 22

After my last post it's probably and understatement to say that i didnt feel to great about things in Sydney. Then i heard i didn't get the radio job. Rather foolishly i had let alot depend on getting that job and now i didnt know what to do with myself.

Should i revert back to Plan A and spend a few more months in Sydney and then move on and head back home when my visa expires in January? The good part of that is that i get to travel, see more and meet more people. The bad part is that i have to go home, where he will be and the thought of that scares me.

Or should i try and find another position where i am able to get sponsorship. Good point meaning i don't have to go home and can try and make a real fresh start here. The bad part is not knowing whether i am strong enough to get through those shit times all alone.

It's a catch 22 and i have no idea which way to turn.

Mini Meltdown

It seem's that when i get to the stage where i feel like i have really made progress something pop's up and pushes me right back to square one.

After my first date in over 6 months went well, and i felt like i could like this person i experienced a mini meltdown in the internet cafe yesterday. All because of fucking facebook!

I was doing the rounds, writing emails home, telling everyone i was ok and then i quickly logged on to facebook to see what messages i had. I had a great one from the 'first date' guy which made me smile. I then saw on my news feed list that one of MY friends from back home was now 'friends' with HER. Yes the her that is now the girlfriend of my ex. Not only was her name right in front of me, she was on facebook and requesting my friends as her friends.

I don't know what happened but i lost it. I clicked on her name to look at her picture - i couldn't get into her profile as obviously we are not friends but i could look through all of her current ones and saw not just one of my friends but several.

I desperately wanted to see her profile - to see if she had pictures of the two of them - to see if it said she was in a 'relationship'. I seriously thought of anyway i might be able to hack into someones profile to see it. I was like a women possessed.

The sad thing is, it only took that to make me feel all the hurt feelings i thought i was starting to leave behind. I forgot about 1st date guy and how well we got on. I spent the entire night not being able to sleep and thinking about SB and her.

I woke this morning and still had that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach - what is it going to take for me to really move on?

Ummmm!

Umm is all i can think of as a title as that was exactly my thought 20 minutes ago when i left the one with a funny name and that i didn't think i found attractive at the train station after our date

The thing is i had a blast! I admit i thought i would go for a few drinks, be polite and then make my excuses and leave. It wasn't a convensional date. We met at a bar opposite Milsons Point station as it was half way for both of us, and he was 30 minutes late - which would usually drive me insane but he made such a joke out of it and something about being nervous and changing his outfit 12 times that it won me over. I like a guy that can make me laugh.

After a couple of drinks and great conversation we walked across the harbour bridge and went to the rocks for dinner and more drinks. The only time we stopped talking was when my mum decided to put in her weekly 15 minute phone call from the UK to check i was still alive!

We then went to another bar by Circular Quay and after hailing me a taxi i left him at the station so he could go home. It feels quite weird, he is not at all my 'type' and i was not expecting it but i think i might actually quite like him.

Ummmmm

Angry!

Ahhh i don't know what has happened but i feel so angry today! So much so that i felt the need to come into the nearest internet cafe and take my frustration out on the keyboard and my blog.

Everyone and everything has got on my nerves - i woke this morning to the sound of a stupid bloody bird outside my window making the most hideous noise for ages - i got up and sort of made a noise at it, which seemed to do the trick as it flew away, only to reappear a few minutes later doing the exact same thing.

When i decided to actually get up i felt frustrated as i really did not know what to do with myself. The weather was ok but not nice enough to go to the beach, i didnt have anyone i could meet up with really and that pissed me off so i just decided to walk and see where i ended up.

Well i ended up in Potts Point when this horrible little man came up to me and asked if he could borrow 20 cent, i said i was sorry i didnt have any change (which was true i might add) so he called me a fucking c**t! I was so shocked that i was actually speechless. I have never been called that. I somehow walked in a big circle and ended up in Hyde Park and decided to sit and read for a bit, but even the birds there were getting on my nerves today and then these two stupid English guys were throwing a ball around which nearly hit me so i decided to leave before i shoved the ball up their arse and thought maybe retail therapy might cheer me up.

Nope! The shops were crammed full of annoying screaming kids, people bumping into me, sales assistants bugging me, and people trying to get me to sign up to some bloody charity on every street corner. Even the noise of the thing on the traffic lights that tells me i can cross without getting killed was irritating.

When i logged on to RSVP - even the 27 kisses i had received couldn't cheer me up so i deleted all of them without even checking who they were from.

So now i am sitting here writing this at 5:30pm in the evening having had a shit day and nothing to really look forward to except maybe my coffee date with the one i don't really fancy in North Sydney tomorrow! Somehow between now and then i need to let off some steam - perhaps ill go get drunk! Alone.

Phew

Do you ever lay in bed at night and think to yourself thank god that day is all over with?!

I did that last night and not because it was Valentines Day. In fact i was so busy most of the the day that it wasnt until the little chinese guy in Gloria Jeans wished me Happy Valentines day with my Hazlenut Latte that i even remembered.

I had my 2nd round of my job interview at 8am in the morning in which i had to answer 40 questions in an hour! I then had to rush to North Sydney and start my other job at 9:30am. By 1pm i had dropped a tray of bloody coffee all down myself - ruining my new shirt and burning myself. I then had to attend my 3rd round of the interview at 4pm in which i had to do a radio presentation to 3 managers (having had to rush into Portmans and buy myself a new outfit first!)

In between all this happening the guy with the stupid name text and asked if i wanted to go for lunch Sunday - i agreed. I may not fancy him but i could do with friends right now. I then checked RSVP which is actually quite good fun when you get past all the 40 year old men trying to talk to you! And i really hot guy from West Sydney had emailed me back. Apprently he is a sucker for an English accent to.....i'm starting to enjoy being English. We may meet up Saturday night??

So after an exhausting day i lay in bed with a bottle of Australia's finest wine and gave a sigh of relief that i was here, and not at home faced by my past Valentines.

Park Life

It's weird how things happen and the course a day can take.

I got a phone call from my temporary prat of a boss yesterday morning saying i didnt need to come into work as he was jetting off to New Zealand on some urgent business. He could have told me that before i had got up early, got washed and changed and was about to walk out the door but nethertheless the sun was shining outside at last so i thought i would make the most of it and i could prepare for my 2nd round interview at the radio station.

So i packed up my note book, grabbed a coffee, some ciggies and a newspaper and went to Hyde Park. An article in the paper caught my attention. It was about how singles this Valentines Day are going to big speed dating events across the country instead of sitting home drinking wine and watching Bridget Jones. Thats actually not what it said but along the same lines. It had all been arranged by Australia's number one dating site RSVP! I had never used the internet to date before, and had always been a bit skepticle - i mean has it really come to this? But i have met a few people who met there partners on the internet so perhaps i should give it ago.....i mean it's not as though my mobile has been ringing off the hook with offers.

Literally as i put the paper down and lit up a cigarette (which i was planning on giving up this week!) this georgeous guy comes over and asks for a light! As i always do when i fancy someone my mind goes blank and i turn all stupid and girly. Unbelievably he still asks if he can join me and we start talking.

He is cute, he is funny, he has a great body, he is from Melbourne!! WTF?! He is here visiting relatives. Damn it.

4 hours later i have registered my details on the RSVP website and have decided to not quit smoking just yet!

Why does it always rain on me?

Since my thoughts just recently have consisted of staying in Sydney, it appears that a higher being is trying to put me off and tell me to go back to England.

Firstly it has rained non stop, its still a great city but like anywhere in the world the rain makes it feel like hard work, dull and miserable. Then yesterday morning i had my first encounter with a cockroach!! I came out of the shower and very nearly stood on it. It was the size of my hand - well maybe not but it was huge. After standing there screaming and trying to kill it with my shoe a house mate very kindly came and rescued me and proceeded to say 'oh it's only a cockroach you get alot of them here'!

Not where i am from you dont! I have never seen one in my whole life.

I also got a call from my mum on Thursday to let me know that my nanny is very sick and they think she only has a couple of weeks to live. My mum was so sad and all i could give her was words of support - i would have given anything to have been with her and given her a hug.

Then there is the job which progressively got worse this week. Working as a PA sucks. They sent me out to get coffee 3 times in one day. I order lunch and write minutes and then i made the fatel mistake of saying i was pretty good at Powerpoint so i spent all of yesterday doing powerpoint presentations for three directors who have not a clue. Guess i am not cut out to be a PA. And if all of that is not bad enough there has been a distinct lack of handsome men to keep me occupied on my travels to and from work. Perhaps the hot guys go into hibernation when it rains.

However i am pleased to report that none of this has dappened (excuse the pun) my spirits too much. On a good note i had an interview at the top radio station in Sydney this week and they want to see me again. If successful they are also able to offer me sponsorship which means i can work here for up to four years. The money is great and i would really be able to live the lifestyle and not feel like a traveller.

I suppose you have to take the good with the bad sometimes.

Sy

Could I, Should I

There is one big thought on my mind at the moment (even more so then will it ever stop raining!) and i don't know what has brought it on. I keep thinking about staying in Australia for good. When i started this journey it was to see if there was a better life somewhere and get away from the heartbreak that i was surrounded with at home.

I was on the bus home last night and i heard these two Irish girls talking about how long they have been in Sydney and how easy it was to get sponsorship, and i couldnt help but listen. I never really contemplated staying here when i started out, and perhaps i am being hasty and getting carried away in the whole city life/buzz thing.

So today i have been searching the internet for options. I should be working but its so bloody laid back here i thought i might as well take advantage of the free internet access. Could i really 'live' in Australia? Could i really leave everything behind for good? I have a feeling that nothing would have really changed when i go back home next January. SB will still be there with his girlfriend and his house. My friends and family will surround me, but will it be enough. I have never felt roots in my hometown and country and it took me a long time to realise that i needed to get away. Now i have done that - could i, should i go home again??

Sy

Shitty Weather!

Following a shitty Friday night the weekend got much better despite the shitty weather. On Saturday the sun came out about 12pm so i decided to take a stroll to Paddington Market as i had heard it was pretty good. Not really knowing my new area to well i stepped out on Oxford street and was overwhelmed by the amount of trendy, cool, fashionable types that were at every turn. And beautiful too. It certainly made me feel a bit bad about myself.

I have cool and trendy days but this was not one of them - and if it wasnt for the fact i am a lazy cow i would have gone back home and changed!

When walking around the market itself i noticed so many things that i could buy for people back home. Jewellery for my mum, beads for my sister, and big crocodile teddy for my brother and an amazing canvas of Sydney Harbour that i know SB would have loved. I left empty handed and felt a bit sad.

Sunday was another shitty weather day - it seriously rained non stop all day. But that didnt dampen a really great brunch with a fellow blogger JB. He kindly agreed to meet me in Potts Point which is another area i had not visited and i fell in love with. I had not banked on it raining in Sydney so had to cave in and buy an Umbrella which subsequently was bloody broken when i tried to put it up. Again i should have returned it but am a lazy cow. JB talked candidly about his life, his past and his present and it was great to listen to his tales of Sydney. I also think he has a little obsession about England and secretly only agreed to meet me because of my accent!! He also gave me some great tips and where to find single, straight business men and i will be putting his recommedations into practice over the next week or so. Thanks JB.

The weekend was topped off by 4 and half hours of TV! I sat down to watch the biggest loser - my first bit of Australian TV with a big tub of chocolate ice cream and felt pretty smug about it!

Sy

No heart at Home

Last night i had my first rubbish experience of Sydney.

Having moved out of the hostel all the guys that i shared a room with decided to have one last night out as we were all moving on this week so i met up with the Canadian, the mank, the Italian and the 2 swedes at Side Bar and we were going to hit up some bars and say our farewells. The night started great, now i have a job i don't have to drink cheap beer so i was in full glory drinking Vodka and tonics. We made our way down George Street stopping in a few bars along the way when the Canadian suggested we go to Home - a night club at Darling Harbour. These were his precise words 'Sy, this guy (some random guy at the bar) say's that Home is banging tonight do you fancy going there' I reply 'Umm i guess so if everyone else wants to go, but will they let me in with flip flops (thongs) on' the random guy says 'yeah no problem'

So we go to Home around 12 of us in the end. $25 to get in! But i still go. Nothing is said about my choice of footwear. The club itself was ok, music sounded great, lighting was good. There were a few too many chinese boys wearing baseball caps and trying to rave for my liking but it was ok.

I lasted an hour without a ciggy, so went to find a smoking area. I asked a bouncer who kind of grunted and pointed outside. I went out the door and started to puff away when another bouncer came over and put a gate thing in front of my blocking me from getting back.

'Excuse me i have paid (showed him my stamp) im just having a quick fag and then ill be going back in'
'No you won't'
'Im sorry'
'Once you have come out you cannot go back in till 1am' What the fuck?! It was now 12:15pm.
'But all my friends are in there i can't wait out here alone for 45 minutes?'
'Sorry mate nothing i can do'
'Don't you mate me, are you seriously saying you are gonna leave me standing out here for 45 minutes because i came out for a cigarette?'
'Well i cant let you back in anyway as your wearing thongs'

I was absolutely furious - he wasnt listening which made me even worse so in the end i jumped in a taxi and went back to my home, where i was welcomed by smiling faces and a glass of wine.

Surry Hills

I have a place to stay!

I was starting to get just a teeny weeny bit worried that i was not going to find anywhere i liked but then low and behold i stumbled across an area by the name of Surry Hills! How i have missed this little suburb i do not know but it's perfect. Its location is excellent with pretty much everything i need in strolling distance including my fave - Hyde Park. The area itself has a really nice feel to it.....i hate to say it but it kind of reminded me of home! Its my guilty pleasure and it feels familiar to me in a strange way. There are a couple of great pubs - and when i took a look in the Clock last night.....not a bad looking bunch at all!

Anyway i have found a great place - it's not the biggest, cleanist or newest house i have seen. In fact it's really old but my room is a good size, i have lots of storage and clean sheets and it's only me - my own space. I moved in last night and it felt so great to shut the door and be alone. So much so i walked around naked for a while - just coz i could!!!

Also on the man front - i met an Aussie guy in the bar a few nights ago. Really not my type and he had an awful name but was nice guy. I don't trust nice guys! He asked for my mobile number, which i gave to him (think i had had too many Corona's) and he text me last night asking if i wanted to meet. I had an excuse with moving in the house but he text me again asking to meet up. Not sure what to do.........is there any point if i didn't fancy him or does he genuinely just want a friendly drink. Is there such a thing?? Answers on a postcard please.

Good Job - Bad Dreams

I have a job!! Wooohoooo.

OK so it's an office job - boo, but it pays well - yay! Its in North Sydney - boo, but it pays well - yay!

Yep started my new job today as a PA in North Sydney - the area itself is ok and it's pretty i guess but you cant beat that buzz that the CBD has. Anyway it will pay the bills and keep me going till i can find something else. The role itself is pretty easy - and the people seem ok. In terms of hot men there are a fair few that i noticed walking the street today but after falling asleep on Coogee Beach yesterday and getting a sun burnt face i was keeping a low profile!

The apartment hunting is not going too well. I have viewed lots of places but none of them feel right. On my budget i cannot afford to 'feel' good and i am going to have to make a decision soon as getting up at 6:30am for work when Thea the nutty Norwegian falls through the door at 4am and wants to chat is not good.

I love Sydney, i love the weather, the sites, the food and the lifestyle so why do i still feel like there is something missing. I had a dream last night. A bad dream. I dreamt i was at home in the UK and was at the local gym (pah as if!) and SB came in and had gotten really big and muscly. On first impression i didn't think he looked very nice but then he came over and spoke to me and tried to kiss me on the treadmill!! I woke when my alarm went off and felt stupidly good. After my trip out on Australia Day and various trips to the beaches and seeing how many great looking nice guys there are i thought i was making good progress but this stupid dream seems to have knocked me back 10 steps.

With everything going so great on the other side of the world - why can't i leave my past at home?

Sy

Always wear sunscreen!

Now i have only been in Sydney four days which certainly doesn't quite make me an expert however here are some things i have already noticed:

1. The sun does NOT always shine
2. However when the sun does come out it is VERY hot.
3. When the sun is hot do not forget to apply sunscreen to your feet or you will end up with flip flop marks all over them and they can become quite sore and puffy!
4. The Aussies call flip flops thongs.
5. There are a lot of Asian people - literally millions
6. Australians do actually say 'G'day Mate'!
7. The harbour is even more spectacular in real life - it's one of those moments that takes your breath away and you find yourself thinking of the ones you love and miss. Yep it was the first time i had really thought about SB since i got here.
8. If you ever wonder where all the beautiful men are - they are in the Sydney on a Monday lunchtime dressed in suits walking around the streets like gods!
9. The seafood here is soooo good. I seriously had the best prawns i have ever tasted.
10. Kings Cross is a shit hole.
11. Sydney's Hyde Park has something quite special about it. It makes London's feel like vegetable patch.
12. The sky seems higher?!
13. It is not over run by man eating snakes and spiders - to date i have only seen funny looking birds in the park.
14. They charge you a 15% surcharge in restaurants on a Sunday?!! What?! I didn't force them to bloody open!
15. It's probably the most amazing city i have ever been to.

I am really starting to find my feet, but can't wait to get out of this hostel. The Canadian guy is still here but is starting to get on my nerves. The Scandinavian girls have been replaced by 4 English Girls who seem like they may be looking for a good time. I am viewing a place tomorrow in Rushcutters Bay and have two Job interviews this week.......hopefully one of them will enable me to mix with the god like creatures in suits?!!

Sy

Am i a traveller?!

Well it's been nearly 38 hours in Sydney and i swear it has not stopped raining. I am on strike! I refuse to go to see the Harbour Bridge and Oprah house until the sun comes out. I cannot take pictures of me and the beautiful landmarks whilst i look like a drowned rat!

Last night was interesting. Still a little jet lagged i went to a travellers bar with the Swedish girls, Norwegian girls and the Canadian Guy.......my god! It was a cattle market. Word of advice for future female travellers, stay clear of Germans!! I was proposed to by a Brazilian and offered a place to stay by some Irish Guys - bearing in mind i looked like shit, did not dress up and good barley keep my eyes open!! I'm not sure i am going to go again. It's not that it wasn't fun and i don't like fellow travellers but that is not why i came here. I want to get the know the 'real' Sydney. I'm not really a traveller am i?!

I thought not. However here i am sat in a Internet cafe with some washing powder, milk and breakfast cereal from the 7-11 in China Town and a key card around my neck!! God if my friends could see me now!!

Sy

Sydney, Sydney, Sydney

Well i have arrived in the land down under. After some very teary goodbyes, a surprise party thrown by my bloody amazing friends and family, 13 hours to Kuala Lumpa sat next to a 50 year old man that laughed loudly to the Simpsons for most of the journey, 5 hours at KL airport with nothing to do but get sprayed by perfume from little Malaysian men and then another 8 hours to Sydney sat next to possibly the most annoying English guy in the world, i made it! It finally hit me what i was doing on the plane from London to KL and i felt a little sick. I got butterflies and for about 4 hours thought i shouldn't be doing it, that soon passed when i saw the Harbour Bridge and Oprah House on my way in to Sydney airport. The ACTUAL Oprah house.....holy fuck I'm in Sydney!!

I am sharing my room with some interesting people from Norway, Sweden and Canada which could be fun for a while but the novelty is definitely going to wear off so will start looking for a job and place to stay on Monday.

I never gave the letter to SB. He didn't deserve to know how much i cared about him.

Currently jet lagged but going to get pissed with the Swedish girls in a bit to get me going. It's raining outside but i was assured by the bus driver that the weather is looking up, i have his number in case it doesn't!

Sy

I hate goodbyes

Why do i still feel like i want to say goodbye to him? SB never did text me back so he obviously isn't that bothered, yet i am sat here all packed and ready to leave tomorrow with a 'farewell' letter to him in my hands.

Do i want to say goodbye?? Forever?? Or am i really just hoping that he will chase me down to Heathrow Airport and ask me to stay and be with him forever?! Ouch that was a little too honest!

I guess in the back of my mind i know that i still love him and i am not over him yet. Organising this trip has kept my mind occupied but now with 24 hours left in the country and nothing else to organise i can't stop thinking about him. I have said my goodbyes to nearly all my friends and family which broke my heart. You never know how much these people mean to you until you know you won't see them whenever you want. SB's mum even came round last night to wish me all the best and brought me a card!! So why when i am surrounded by wonderful people who want to wish me all the luck in the world, am i still focusing my attention on the one person that doesn't care?

I can't decide whether to take the letter round or not, chances are as fellow blogger Wandering Dervish pointed out in my comment box - either way ill probably be disappointed.

I have to go and say goodbyes to me little brothers and my Dad now so probably won't post again till i am in Sydney.

Oh my god - Im going to Sydney.

Sy

Text - Update

2 days and still no text reply from SB!

I can understand if he doesn't want to come for drinks but would it hurt to reply saying 'thanks but no thanks and wish you all the best??'

Pah - men!!

Text

What did we do prior to text messages?

Like most i have used text's to say all the things i would never have the balls to say to someones face (see post how did i get here?!) They have killed the ability to really communicate our true feelings. Most of us i am sure have had that feeling the next morning when we woke and thought 'shit what did i text last night?!'

Well last night i text SB. All my friends are getting together this Saturday as it's my last weekend for leaving drinks and i felt like i wanted to invite him and try and salvage friendship at least from our relationship. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to make a gesture. But was i just trying to make a statement! PS I'M LEAVING sort of statement.

If he says he doesn't want to come I'll feel bad. If he does and turns up what will i feel and will it ruin my night. And horror of horrors what if he turns up with her and expects me to be friends with them?? Am i ready for that. Can anyone really be friends with an ex?! Do i want him to be my friend?

So this morning i woke with that feeling of 'oh god' and he had not replied, guess ill just have to wait and see.

Officially unemployed

Oscar Wilde once said....

'The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one'

Ever since i left school at 16 i wanted to work, my teachers and parents all told me i 'needed' to go to university and get a degree if i wanted to make anything of my life. It just didn't feel right. I wanted to work. I wanted to climb up the career ladder all by myself and prove the stupid career adviser wrong.

And just to detour slightly how ironic is that job, you choose a career where you tell kids what they should be doing with their future career but how would they know - they just go with idealistic views??!!

Anyway back to the point.

I had some shit jobs. Working in a chip shop and looking a plastic bottles for 8 hours a day to name just two. However i made money, found out what things i was good at and not so good at and plodded on. At 23 years old i became the youngest Radio Sales Manager in the UK. I had a successful team under me, made a good bit of cash so i could afford life's little luxuries and was pretty damn pleased with myself. I loved my job, i can't understand people who don't want to work and hate their job. Just fucking go and do something else! So on Friday when my fantastic work mates threw me a lovely party, drank lots of Pinot Grigio and bought me a hat with corks on it, i felt a bit angry! I am unemployed for the first time in 10 years! Was i going backwards or forwards by giving up everything? Ahhhhh!!
That island down under better be worth it!!
Sy

Bloody Poms!

Australia has plastic money!! Yep i went to my bank to collect my currency this morning and the bank manager (who also happens to be my friend) seemed genuinely excited when i arrived.

'Have you ever seen the money before' she asked.

'Er no' i replied.

'It's plastic, we have all been looking at it this morning'

'Plastic! Let me see' i demanded. It really was!

'It's because of all the surfers that are over there. It's waterproof, so they can go and surf and not worry about it getting wet or destroyed!'

'Nooo that can't be true! A country wouldn't design a whole currency just for it's surfers!' i assured her.

I went to work and showed all my gang there 'Apparently you can't rip them either' my little receptionist said as she tried with all her might to tear it. 'Bloody hell you can't' she concluded 'Look you try' she offered to my sales exec who was pretending to work and not be impressed at all.

After a good 10 minutes of trying to rip and crumple up a 10 dollar note - everyone appeared satisfied that it was indestructible. I could hear the young guy telling someone about leaving £10 in his jeans pocket, his mum and a washing machine - you can guess his point.

I wondered what the Aussie's would have made of the genuine delight they had caused in a little English town before 10am..............'Bloody Poms' maybe?!

New Year?!

Like most people i celebrate New Years Eve.

Why? For me they have never been much to right home about. At 14 i got drunk on a litre of cider down the park with some friends, passed out, threw up in my living room and got grounded for a month. At 16 i went a bit further afield, could not get a taxi home, lost my friends and bag and very nearly had to walk nine miles home in the freezing cold. At 18 i thought my New Years would get better because i could legally go into a pub....nope! In fact it's worse and its the same every year. There is always that one girl in the toilet crying her eyes out because some boy has dumped her. The loud, drunk slightly mad older guy at the bar alone annoying everyone. The friend you used to go to school with but now have nothing to say to them. The young 18 year old lad that has drunk too much shandy and cannot stand up straight and bumps into you and there is always a fight. Oh yes New Years Eve would not be complete without the punch up of two very drunk people who have looked at each other 'funny!' My cynicism of New Years was almost bearable however as i had SB by my side for the last 5 years. The first time he told me he loved me was on New Years Eve.

I very nearly didnt go out but one of my good friends and her boyfriend took me under their wing and we went out for a few drinks. I didn't see him. I thought i would and kind of wanted to but i didn't. I guess he was with her. God i hope he didn't tell her he loved her. As 12 o clock approached we all gathered around the church tower in the centre of town as we did every year, 10-9-8-7-6........... Happy New Year! I looked around me watching people hug, kiss, cry and sing. I got it. These people just for that moment in time really did believe that this year would be a happy one and better was to come. I felt very lonely. Then friend, grabbed me, threw her arms around me and said 'this really is going to be the best year for you ever! Now let's get back to the bar!' and you know i believed her. Who knew where i would be or who i would be with at that moment in 12 months time?? All i knew is that i was looking forward to getting there - all alone.