Good Job - Bad Dreams

I have a job!! Wooohoooo.

OK so it's an office job - boo, but it pays well - yay! Its in North Sydney - boo, but it pays well - yay!

Yep started my new job today as a PA in North Sydney - the area itself is ok and it's pretty i guess but you cant beat that buzz that the CBD has. Anyway it will pay the bills and keep me going till i can find something else. The role itself is pretty easy - and the people seem ok. In terms of hot men there are a fair few that i noticed walking the street today but after falling asleep on Coogee Beach yesterday and getting a sun burnt face i was keeping a low profile!

The apartment hunting is not going too well. I have viewed lots of places but none of them feel right. On my budget i cannot afford to 'feel' good and i am going to have to make a decision soon as getting up at 6:30am for work when Thea the nutty Norwegian falls through the door at 4am and wants to chat is not good.

I love Sydney, i love the weather, the sites, the food and the lifestyle so why do i still feel like there is something missing. I had a dream last night. A bad dream. I dreamt i was at home in the UK and was at the local gym (pah as if!) and SB came in and had gotten really big and muscly. On first impression i didn't think he looked very nice but then he came over and spoke to me and tried to kiss me on the treadmill!! I woke when my alarm went off and felt stupidly good. After my trip out on Australia Day and various trips to the beaches and seeing how many great looking nice guys there are i thought i was making good progress but this stupid dream seems to have knocked me back 10 steps.

With everything going so great on the other side of the world - why can't i leave my past at home?

Sy

Always wear sunscreen!

Now i have only been in Sydney four days which certainly doesn't quite make me an expert however here are some things i have already noticed:

1. The sun does NOT always shine
2. However when the sun does come out it is VERY hot.
3. When the sun is hot do not forget to apply sunscreen to your feet or you will end up with flip flop marks all over them and they can become quite sore and puffy!
4. The Aussies call flip flops thongs.
5. There are a lot of Asian people - literally millions
6. Australians do actually say 'G'day Mate'!
7. The harbour is even more spectacular in real life - it's one of those moments that takes your breath away and you find yourself thinking of the ones you love and miss. Yep it was the first time i had really thought about SB since i got here.
8. If you ever wonder where all the beautiful men are - they are in the Sydney on a Monday lunchtime dressed in suits walking around the streets like gods!
9. The seafood here is soooo good. I seriously had the best prawns i have ever tasted.
10. Kings Cross is a shit hole.
11. Sydney's Hyde Park has something quite special about it. It makes London's feel like vegetable patch.
12. The sky seems higher?!
13. It is not over run by man eating snakes and spiders - to date i have only seen funny looking birds in the park.
14. They charge you a 15% surcharge in restaurants on a Sunday?!! What?! I didn't force them to bloody open!
15. It's probably the most amazing city i have ever been to.

I am really starting to find my feet, but can't wait to get out of this hostel. The Canadian guy is still here but is starting to get on my nerves. The Scandinavian girls have been replaced by 4 English Girls who seem like they may be looking for a good time. I am viewing a place tomorrow in Rushcutters Bay and have two Job interviews this week.......hopefully one of them will enable me to mix with the god like creatures in suits?!!

Sy

Am i a traveller?!

Well it's been nearly 38 hours in Sydney and i swear it has not stopped raining. I am on strike! I refuse to go to see the Harbour Bridge and Oprah house until the sun comes out. I cannot take pictures of me and the beautiful landmarks whilst i look like a drowned rat!

Last night was interesting. Still a little jet lagged i went to a travellers bar with the Swedish girls, Norwegian girls and the Canadian Guy.......my god! It was a cattle market. Word of advice for future female travellers, stay clear of Germans!! I was proposed to by a Brazilian and offered a place to stay by some Irish Guys - bearing in mind i looked like shit, did not dress up and good barley keep my eyes open!! I'm not sure i am going to go again. It's not that it wasn't fun and i don't like fellow travellers but that is not why i came here. I want to get the know the 'real' Sydney. I'm not really a traveller am i?!

I thought not. However here i am sat in a Internet cafe with some washing powder, milk and breakfast cereal from the 7-11 in China Town and a key card around my neck!! God if my friends could see me now!!

Sy

Sydney, Sydney, Sydney

Well i have arrived in the land down under. After some very teary goodbyes, a surprise party thrown by my bloody amazing friends and family, 13 hours to Kuala Lumpa sat next to a 50 year old man that laughed loudly to the Simpsons for most of the journey, 5 hours at KL airport with nothing to do but get sprayed by perfume from little Malaysian men and then another 8 hours to Sydney sat next to possibly the most annoying English guy in the world, i made it! It finally hit me what i was doing on the plane from London to KL and i felt a little sick. I got butterflies and for about 4 hours thought i shouldn't be doing it, that soon passed when i saw the Harbour Bridge and Oprah House on my way in to Sydney airport. The ACTUAL Oprah house.....holy fuck I'm in Sydney!!

I am sharing my room with some interesting people from Norway, Sweden and Canada which could be fun for a while but the novelty is definitely going to wear off so will start looking for a job and place to stay on Monday.

I never gave the letter to SB. He didn't deserve to know how much i cared about him.

Currently jet lagged but going to get pissed with the Swedish girls in a bit to get me going. It's raining outside but i was assured by the bus driver that the weather is looking up, i have his number in case it doesn't!

Sy

I hate goodbyes

Why do i still feel like i want to say goodbye to him? SB never did text me back so he obviously isn't that bothered, yet i am sat here all packed and ready to leave tomorrow with a 'farewell' letter to him in my hands.

Do i want to say goodbye?? Forever?? Or am i really just hoping that he will chase me down to Heathrow Airport and ask me to stay and be with him forever?! Ouch that was a little too honest!

I guess in the back of my mind i know that i still love him and i am not over him yet. Organising this trip has kept my mind occupied but now with 24 hours left in the country and nothing else to organise i can't stop thinking about him. I have said my goodbyes to nearly all my friends and family which broke my heart. You never know how much these people mean to you until you know you won't see them whenever you want. SB's mum even came round last night to wish me all the best and brought me a card!! So why when i am surrounded by wonderful people who want to wish me all the luck in the world, am i still focusing my attention on the one person that doesn't care?

I can't decide whether to take the letter round or not, chances are as fellow blogger Wandering Dervish pointed out in my comment box - either way ill probably be disappointed.

I have to go and say goodbyes to me little brothers and my Dad now so probably won't post again till i am in Sydney.

Oh my god - Im going to Sydney.

Sy

Text - Update

2 days and still no text reply from SB!

I can understand if he doesn't want to come for drinks but would it hurt to reply saying 'thanks but no thanks and wish you all the best??'

Pah - men!!

Text

What did we do prior to text messages?

Like most i have used text's to say all the things i would never have the balls to say to someones face (see post how did i get here?!) They have killed the ability to really communicate our true feelings. Most of us i am sure have had that feeling the next morning when we woke and thought 'shit what did i text last night?!'

Well last night i text SB. All my friends are getting together this Saturday as it's my last weekend for leaving drinks and i felt like i wanted to invite him and try and salvage friendship at least from our relationship. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to make a gesture. But was i just trying to make a statement! PS I'M LEAVING sort of statement.

If he says he doesn't want to come I'll feel bad. If he does and turns up what will i feel and will it ruin my night. And horror of horrors what if he turns up with her and expects me to be friends with them?? Am i ready for that. Can anyone really be friends with an ex?! Do i want him to be my friend?

So this morning i woke with that feeling of 'oh god' and he had not replied, guess ill just have to wait and see.